Well,the big deal was I had a breast cancer scare.
I found a lump in my right breast which they immediately did a biopsy for and I had to wait a week for the results,which thankfully turned out benign.
It was an infected duct which has now cleared up. I am still in some pain from the biopsy bruising but fine.

I was in hell for awhile. Imagining the worst,not wanting to hear how it would be alright form people who I know were wel meaning but were not doctors who were going to give me test results. Thinking that I was going to have cancer,chemo,lose a breast,lose my life,Cora was going to lose her mommy and Chris lose his mate,my family lose me too.
No matter what you think you know and how many catch phrases you pick up about cancer in your lifetime from tv movies and cancer fundraisers,once you hear the word "biopsy" come out of your doctors mouth,all rational goes out the window.

But I was stoic. I only really lost it once. Because I couldn't lose it in front of Chris and Cora. I needed to be strong for myself and for them. I let it out to my therapist and just dealt with it.

The day of my results I documented with pictures myself waiting in the doctors office-the look on my face in horror as I sat there shaking and scared.
Then as soon as the doctor left after the good news a photo of my leaping up in my paper examination shirt with my fist of victory in the air and a silly grin on my face.
Now I can breath again.
Now I am alive again.
Because my life stopped when I heard the word biopsy,and I wanted it back. Now I have it back.

Onward I go. Back to the good things I have in my life and the good people I cherished before this happened-that I didn't need a cancer scare to remind me of.

I will try and update here more. I have bands and Makeup work that I do,lots of fun stuff. I have my own Myspace you can ask to friend and a Facebook page.
And a Model Mayhem page if you are in the makeup world.
Whatever,just be legitimately asking or I'll know otherwise,lol.

I hope you are well if you are reading this out there somewhere.

I can't do it right now cause I'll be off to bed.
Next day or so. I promise.
Good stuff and bad stuff.
Cheers kids,Steph

Ok,so yeah,obviously I don't update LJ at all.
I have a Myspace that you can friend if you like,ask me and receive,maybe.
BUT,I still love reading your posts if you are on my friends list,and I like all the little communities I am part of,so deleting me would be pointless. lol
Lots going on in my life,if you care to know,ask.

For the love of all that is fucking holy will you fucking people stop throwing gang signs!!!
Especially the whiter than white suburban kids. You look like fucking FOOLS. FOOLS I tell you.
Stop.
That is all.

Well,after thinking that they were alive,from false reports,it is now said that only one of the miners trapped in West Virginia is actually alive...
So much for my believing in miracles...

Let's see. I had a migraine Sat morning,so went to the ER for pain shot. Migraine went away and me and Chris and Cora sat on the couch,laughed,and ate ice cream while Dick Clark rang the new year in for us(oh,and Mariah Carey lipsynching her "performance",and wearing a dress too small for her now chubby ass,made us laugh quite a bit too,hehehehehe).
Nice and quiet,with my loved ones,and no hangover the next day(since I don't drink that wasn't going to happen anyway,lol).
THAT my friends,is the way to ring the new year in!
My best wishes to all of you for a stellar 2006.
Cheers,Steph

Behind the cut is all the info on our 2 shows with My Ruin this weekend in NC.
Hope to see some of you out and about!
Cheers,Stephanie-Session Nine

My Ruin show info for Friday and Sat in NC:
( Read more... )

If you support it, come out for the cause!
Tonight in Jacksonville,NC at The Arena-9 bands!

More info behind the cut:
( Read more... )

Session Nine are scorching their way through NC with the release of their new cd,"To the Hollow and Back".
On this journey we find ourselves in Fayetteville,NC.

May7th
Session Nine (headlining)
Slavemachine
Out of Orbit
Feeding the Fire
@ John J's
106 S. Eastern Blvd,Fayetteville,NC
910-483-3560
ALL AGES!!!
Cover: $5,$7 under 21

Don't miss out!!
See the site for more on the venue,bands,etc.
http://www.session-nine.com

Cheers!
Session Nine

March18th at Jesters Pub,Fayetteville,NC
http://www.jesterspub.com
9pm,$5-$7 cover,18 and up?(call club to confirm)

Wicked!! A night of music and mayhem!!
A night of bad ass female fronted bands-this aint no damn lilith fair!
Session Nine headlining with their dark/melodic sound and fury.
http://www.session-nine.com
Wounded Soul-Playing second with their intense melodic metal.
http://www.woundedsoul.com
Beyond Glory-Opening with their outstanding old school metal strength!
http://www.beyondglory.com

Come support 3 bands that will change the way you see female fronted music!!!

Hunter S. Thompson dead.

What could I possibly say?

Whoa. What a few days to have.
Valentines Day was spent in the ER. Somekind of horrible stomach thing hit me. They did a CT and ultrasound to see what was up. Turns out to be something called Gastrointestinitis(sp?) I believe was the prognosis. The scary part was when they told me that it could be the precursor to ulcers.
They run in my family,even my mother had to have surgery for them when she was in her 30's. I'm 29.
BUT,I have adopted a much more positive outlook on things despite this interesting episode. Suffice to say,I am looking forward to some great strides.

I have also become straight-edge. Which is not a great leap cause I quit smoking and drinking awhile ago,and haven't done much of anything else for a long time.

I hate liars.
One thing that people know about me is my almost pathological hatred of liars. Too bad not everyone knows that or it would save me some aggravation,lol.

And I hate drinking,and cigarettes,and drugs. Every time I see people doing either it just makes me twinge,and thank god or whoever that I quit all of it. Waste of money,waste of time,that whole getting wasted thing.


Other than that I am going to take a nap.
thanks for listening,lol.

I wish people would look shit up.
I thought this which dead rock star quiz would be amusing,until I got
"Jeff Buckley,you die from a drug induced drowning".
Drug induced?! What the fuck?!
Ok,you all know how close I am to his music. Take a guess at whether or not I know that he had no drugs in his system WHATSOEVER when he drowned. And maybe enough alcohol for maybe one beer.
Fucking assholes.
Ugh,that's my rant for the day.
You don't blaspheme the artist I adore the most. Fuck that it's just a quiz,I'll like to rip the spleen out of the person who came up with it.
You.Just.Don't.

These are my only thoughts on New Years Eve,for I do not buy into the hype,I simply live,and hold a candle up in my window to invite the good spirits and keep the bad ones away.
Brought in from the Jeff Buckley LJ community:

New Years' Eve Prayer,by jeff Buckley

you my love are allowed to forget about the christmas you just spent stressed out in your parents house

you my love are allowed to shed the weight of all the years before like bad disco clothes, save them for a night of dancing, stoned with your lover

you my love are allowed to let yourself drown every night in bottomless wild and naked symbolic dreams

you my love in sleep can unlock your youth and your most terrifying magic and dreaming is for the courageous

you my love are allowed to grab my guitar and sing me idiot love songs, if
you lost your ability to speak, keep it down to two minutes

you my love are allowed to rot and to die and to live again more alive and incandescent than before

you my love are allowed to beat the shit out of your television, choke it's thoughts and corrupt its mind kill kill kill kill the motherfucker before the song of zombiefied pain and panic and malaise and its narrow right winged vision and its cheap commercial gang rate becomes the white noise of the world (turn about is fair play)

you my love are allowed to forgive and love your television

you my love are allowed to speak in kisses to those around you and those up in heaven

you my love are allowed to show your babies how to dance full bodied, starry eyed, audacious, supernatural and glorified

you my love are allowed to suck in every single endeavor

you my love are allowed to be soaked like a lovers blanket in the New York summertime with the wonder of your own special gift

you my love are allowed to receive praise

you my love are allowed to have time

you my love are allowed to understand

you my love are allowed to love

woman disobey

little man believe

you my love are a rebellion

RIP Dimebag Darrell

And a good old fuck you to the piece of shit responsible for his death,and the death of 2 others. Have fun rotting in hell...

I hate it when I am completely misunderstood by people. But I guess that is how it is for me. Oh well then. I get sick of explaining myself over and over again. Anyone else have that problem?
Lately I was accused twice of being full of myself,lol,what a joke! I am my biggest critic,and half the time do not pass my own strutiny. I am always thinking I should be doing things better;music,clothes,hair,relationships,you name it. So to be told I am full of myself,well it doesn't quite fit if you ask me. Full of doubt about myself sure,but in an egotistical way,don't think so.

Being misunderstood is the pinnacle of an artists existence it seems,lol. I guess if everyone understood me I would have nothing to say. They would know automatically where I am coming from,etc. And that would be the end of talking for me. So I guess it's good that people just don't get it. I have to be able to express something! lol
I hate people who think that their way is the only way. While I'm asking for help with something,they are patting themselves on the back for having done it better,faster,more efficient,and that if only I would listen to them my problems would be solved.
The only problem is,why am I going to take advice from people who were never able to get where I want to go? That doesn't make much sense to me. If anything,they would be able to show me how NOT to do things.
I mean,if wanted to be a doctor,would I listen to a practicing doctor or someone who flunked out of med school?
I think we all know the answer to that one.
For everything else,I still keep asking questions. I just have to be choosier about who I ask.

Cheers,S.

Am I hurtin! lol
Ok,so we left for the show in Statesville. Usual shit,drove,which was fine,hotel was great,yada yada.
The show went really well,especially since the owner of the club said we were one of the best bands he had seen,and that I had amazing stage presence,and the band had "the thing",(which is a good thing,lol).
Now,consider I am still sick as a dog,then right before we go on(squeemish people look away now),I got my fucking period...lovely.
So I take it in stride,and yes I was prepared,I'm a woman,lol. Do the show,do it really well. Go back to hotel. No problem.
Up all night talking with the guys. Problem.
No sleep,not too bad,till migraine kicks in. Problem.
Drive home-fucking aweful. Have cold,sick to my stomach,exhausted,body aching,and oh yeah,back still fucked up. Good god almighty.

So today I am sick,tired,but oh so very happy to be home with Cora watching Home on the Range and chilling. I've GOT to recover,so no nothing for me this week.
Show on Sat at Marrz.
Oh boy.

Love ya's...S.

Someone asked me today if I ever get discouraged being in a band and dealing with the everyday struggles that go with it.
My reply was,"of course!"
I can't count how many times I question this "business" I have gotten myself into. Especially watching other bands succeed quicker than we are. We write and write and write and wonder if we will find our audience. The fact that we are not a novelty group,or that we are not relying on my looks,or playing into a certain genre doesn't help. And I know why. People want to be able to put the bands they see into nice neat packages. They want to be able to say,that band is hot,or that band is punk,or that band is hardcore,etc etc. I guess we don't make it easy on people by not playing into any of those things.

The irony is,I know exactly how to make us more appeasing and easy for people to digest. But is that what we want as a band? Hell no. I couldn't imagine changing the way we look,or purposefully writing songs a certain way just to become a hit band. The struggle sucks,no doubt about it. But I wouldn't be able to live with myself if we sold out. (Not saying that all bands do that,btw.)

I look around and watch other bands achieve their goals,and yes,it does make me sit back and wonder what the hell I do this for sometimes. But when we play out,and people come up to me and say how much they liked what we do,or a girl tells me how much she admires me and wishes she had the balls(no pun intended,lol) to do what I do,and how strong my voice is,and other wonderful compliments people have bestowed on the band and I,it makes what I do worth it.

I'm not trying to be mass-consumed. I'm not trying to win a beauty pageant. I'm not trying to write music that is easily chewed up and spit out as soon as the people leave the club.
What I'm trying to do is reach people. In this world we live in people don't know how to reach each other anymore. There is this wall between us all. I write music for people trying to break that wall down.

I grew up in NY. And for a long time I had to deal with horrible things that kept happening to me. I'm a 29 year old old person. I believe there is evil in this world. I have seen it first hand. But I also have this hope for people. People who are capable of change,people who are capable of seeking out the deeper truths,people who see beyond the outer surface of everything.

Those are the people that understand our music.

So yes,I get discouraged when I can't seem to book a show. I get discouraged when some people go to the bar while we're playing,or when we get a bad review.
But not everyone walks away,not everyone gives us a bad review,not everyone ignores my calls and emails for booking dates.
There are people that sing my lyrics back to me. There are people who can't wait for us to play in their town. There are people...our people. And that number may be small. But I can't quit trying to reach them,and others,with our music.

It really astounds me that I even do what I do. Me,the girl who had no friends,the girl everyone said would amount to nothing,the girl who had gum put in her hair and eggs thrown at her house. That girl has died. Her funeral has come and gone.
And now there is the woman I have become,the wife I love to be,the mother of a gorgeous child I adore,and the frontwoman of the band I believe in with everything that I am.

And that's everything I told that person. Who asked me a simple question,and got an essay in return. But you know what,she's coming to our next show after listening to the mp3's.
I have reached one more person.
Success.